I have no idea what should this posting title be when am wiriting this... But I had been thinking for a long time for this... Seems like it's getting quite popular for the parent or mum, to be specific, to write a letter to their children... I thought this idea is pretty cool, as what I intend to tell them now, they may not be able to fully comprehend at their current age but when they come to read about this, they may have an idea of what they were like when they were younger... Anyways, i just need a space to pen down my thoughts at this point and time of my life....
To my daughter: mummy hopes you can find a path in life in which you will not regret what you have done during your primary school years. Mummy hopes you are enjoying your life to the fullest having friends to share your joy and fun. But, of course, life is not just having fun... Like a slogan on mummy's shirt, which you said you wanna pen down as you thought it's meaningful... Life begins at the end of your comfort zone! I had explained to you and maybe you are able to comprehend a little of it, but mummy hopes you can remember this and find some truth in it... Mummy also hope that you can do your best in your studies and get into a secondary school of your choice... Mummy dun wanna stress you but am worried looking at the way you go about revising and preparing for your PSLE, I really hope you are putting in your best effort. Yes, life is not just about getting good grades, but just hope you can find the path in life not later but sooner so you know what you need to do to achieve it. Mummy also need you to know, you will always be my proud in life, in fact, having the 3 of you have always been my proudest moments.
To my 2 sons: Mummy is happy that both of you are still sticking to me now... As I do worry that a day will come when you do not need me anymore... Hahaha... It's not good to be a mummy's boy for life... No girls would want you... Just remember mummy is always here for you should you need me...
Adwin, remember no one is perfect, just follow your heart and accept that everyone is perfect in his/her own ways. Be a brave boy and learn not to do things impulsively, you are a smart boy, always being the observant party before any actions from you. Carelessness is another weakness on you, just do things a step at a time.
Alvan, learn to be a brave boy and accept it if you are in the wrong. And you must learn that many times, we are just telling you what is right and wrong, do not always feel thay we are scolding or reprimanding you. Learn to listen and accept any advise from anyone.
A special message for my hubby, thank you for all these years of endurance and patience from you. I know am not a perfect wife to you, as there are many expectations of me, in your mind, that I will not be able to fulfill. Its not easy to come this far in our marriage, I know I have failed you many times and besides sorry, I do not know what I can say. As you should know, am not one who can talk my way out or express myself properly, but my mind is always busy thinking and guessing what is going on in your mind and heart. I do misses the 'just us' times before our 3 children comes along, and I do hope I can turn back the clock and do many things differently along the way, and hope, as always hoping, we would not be in this situation if certain things are done in a different manner. As our children are growing, I always wonder if we can go back to our 'just us' time, but as we aged, our mindset and thinking changes too... Now it seems more like 老夫老妻 mode for us... Am really sorry when I had always put our children first priority, cos no matter what I do now, you do not feel yourself being first priority to me.
I wished we can have a monthly/weekly date night out,.
I wished we have lots of exchange on massaging/watsapp to keep us updated on our daily life, just like our pak tor daya.
I wished we can walk on the same line when we are out and not you always at a 10 steps ahead of me and my children.
I wished we can talk about anything under the sun and not hear you say am complaining.
I wished I can guide our children so you can have more time to finish your work and not feel frustrated.
I wished you can look into my eyes when am talking to you and lent me your listening ears as I am always ready for you.
I wished I have better silhouette and make you proud when we bumped into your friends or colleagues while we are outside.
I wished I can be a better cook and makes you look forward to meals prepared by me.
I wished you know am not taking you for granted, as I always thought you understand me and have always been a part of me.
I wished I can prepare breakfast for all everyday.
I wished I can be of better temper and can talk softer and gently at all times, and not be screaming at the top of my voice to my poor children and hubby.
I wished you can accept and love me for who I am, will all my faults and not having to change me into a person you wished you had married.
After looking at my post, I can see how lousy a wife I am and not sure if my children will be proud of a mother like me. These few months being maidless, I tried to do what I can with the limited time I have, having to juggle between work, looking after and bringing my dad for medical or therapy appointments, doing house work, finding time to guide my kids, and practically no time for my other half cos the left over time is for me to catch my sleep.
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